What Is This REALLY For?

Yeah, I know... it's a bidet, but what are you supposed to do with it?  I ask people all over Europe, and they know what it is, but they've never used one, and they can't tell you how to use it or why to use it or why they keep putting them in the bathrooms in Europe.  So here's my take.  Long, long ago, in days of old when there were no showers they created the bidet so that people could wash their "parts".  Now we have showers AND bathtubs so I'm not quite sure why I need a bidet next to my shower/bathtub to wash my "parts".  If they really need to be washed that bad shouldn't I be taking a shower/bath?

Now for the sake of argument let's just walk through the process here and see where it goes.  I use the toilet, then I get up, straddle the bidet, turn it on and give my "parts" a good rinse.  First of all, to me it kind of looks like sitting on the toilet after Greg has left the seat up and haven't we women been trying to avoid that part of the toilet?  Secondly, if you look to the right of the bidet you see the little hook where the towel hangs.  So I use the bidet and then I grab the towel to dry off.  Now that towel is supposed to be for everyone using the bidet?  What if it's already wet which means someone has been there before me?  Kind of defeats the purpose of the whole rinse factor if I'm now using a wet towel that Greg probably used last.  My poor friend Debbie can't even use the hand towel in the bathroom if someone else has used it.  Just imagine what would happen if she was faced with a wet "bidet towel".  So once again I ask, "What is this REALLY for"?  I have come up with some uses I find worthy.

1.  Take it out of the bathroom and put it in the mud room.  I don't really care about my kids butt cleanliness, but I can't stand dirty feet.  Ask my sister, I would camp if it weren't for the whole dirty feet thing.  Hang a scrub brush and a towel on that hook and I'm in!
2.  Again, put it in the mud room.  I'm always having to clean the dogs paws on those rainy days (yes, I know I have a dirty foot/paw thing).  I could clean the dogs paws right by the back door before they ever got in to the house.

I welcome all suggestions, because I really don't see Greg waddling across the room with his underwear down at his ankles so that he can go rinse his "parts" on a toilet with the seat up, using a towel that after that rendezvous should probably be burned.

German Landlords

Right now Carrie is saying, "I told you so."  When we started to look for a place to rent here Carrie told me numerous times that you don't want a place where the landlord lives near by.  Well when we got here there was only one place left and the landlord lives across the street.  How bad could it be right?  BAD....REALLY BAD!

I should of had a clue when we arrived from the airport that first day, set our bags down and someone knocked on the door.  Of course it was her welcoming us to our new home and asking to set up the 1-2 hour walk through and "training" of the house.  I need "training" for the house?  Okay, yes, when we moved to PA I had to call Linda several times to ask how a septic worked and what was a heat pump, but eventually I got it all down without blowing anything up or burning anything down.  So being the loving wife that I am I set Greg up for the one hour "training" of the house where he was shown everything from how to work the dishwasher to how the heat system works and I do mean HOW IT WORKS.   The water starts here in the water heater, goes through these pipes, comes to the floor, heats the floor and it controlled by this thermostat.  Since then I've been given the following lessons from the dear landlord.

1.  You can't store the mop in that closet because there isn't good ventilation

2.  I already told you about how we have to open the window, because the hood above the oven may suck all the oxygen out of the house.

3.  In the lease she put that we need to wipe down the shower doors EVERY day.  Put Greg in charge of that one and you know how often he's home and how much housework he does.

4.  We were leaving for vacation and she told us that she has to come in the house every day and open the windows on every floor for 15 minutes to let the moisture out of the house because it is a new house and we said we would air it out regularly.  (WHACKO!!!)

5.  A gate is not a fence.  She's responsible for putting a fence around the yard so she put three sides on but not the gate part the closes it all off, because a gate is not a fence.

6.  I need to move my bikes out of the garage so that we can put the blue recylcing trash can in there because the trash can is ugly and shouldn't sit outside.  Got right on that one.

7.  I also needed to move some stuff out of the garage because she made it extra long so that she could put the gardening tools (wheel barrel, hoses, shovel, etc.) in the garage.  I explained to her that Greg has "people" who bring their own gardening tools so we won't be needing those and she was welcome to take them to her house.

8.  When I hang the curtains there is no need for me to use three holders for the rod, I really only need 2 and if I'll come over to her house she'll show me how to hang curtains.

9.  I can't lean anything against the house because it may cave it in.

10.  I forgot to put my BBQ cover back on the grill.

11.  My all time favorite is when she was in the house to fix something in Brittany's room and decided to wander in to the basement and the dog pooped right in front of her.  I guess that was the dog trying to tell her something.  In return she sent me this picture.

She sent me an email and asked "How can this be avoided?"  I guess she shouldn't wander around the house when she's not supposed to.

So we had a big meeting with her and our relocation agent to discuss the fact that she needed to give us some privacy and stop coming in the house.  She agreed and the next day Greg found her in the garage.  

Chicken & Crackers German Style

My children love chicken and crackers.  That would be canned chicken mixed with a little mayonaise and mustard with a sprinkle of pepper.  I know it doesn't sound like much but my kids take it to school at least once a week.  They put a little chicken salad on their cracker and eat it up.  When we got here I told them not to worry that Carrie said she saw canned chicken.  I know you are probably saying that I should just make it fresh and I too had that very idea.  I seasoned and cooked a perfect chicken breast, chopped in up finely mixed it with mayo, mustard and pepper and..........they wouldn't eat it.  "Tastes funny mom."  Whatever!  So I venture to the store that Carrie said she found the "chicken in a can" with the intent of being mommy of the year and making my children chicken and crackers.  I searched the world of canned meat (and in Germany that's many many cans) and found this can.

I get out my iPhone and type Hahnchenfleisch into iTranslate to make sure that it's chicken and the translation comes back as Hahnchenfleisch, but there is a picture of a rooster which is a male chicken so this has got to be it.  I skip to the register with two cans of Hahnchenfleish.  Can't pronounce it but can hardly wait to eat it.  I put all the groceries away, get a bowl out, mayo, mustard and crackers.  I tell Brittany that I FOUND IT!  Chicken and crackers will be ready in 5 minutes.  I get the can opener, open the can, turn it over to pour out the broth that is in the can and nothing comes out.  At this point I'm thinking that this is not a good sign.  Still decide to move forward and I take the lid off to find this:

WHAT is that?  What is the gelatinous substance around the outside of the...dare I say chicken.  Maybe it really is rooster and since I always buy chicken I just didn't know that canned rooster looks like regurgitated spam.  Well I guess there will be no chicken and crackers while in Germany.  Can I live off Pringles and gummy bears for 2 years?  Only time will tell.