Letter to My Neighbors

We just recieved a letter from our neighbor last night stating that they were having a birthday party for their daughter in their backyard and apologizing if they made to much noise.  I felt that I should follow their example and write my own letter.

Dear Germany,
We are the Swaffords.  We are here for the next two years.  We understand that you speak German here and with the exception of my husband, we are trying our best to learn it as fast as possible.  My husband does speak the international language of profanity so if he cannot understand you and you start yelling at him he will fall back on his international language and he has found that he is able to get his point across.

We come from the land of "the more the merrier"!  Now, you can stand on the other side of our fence and stare at us and refuse to smile or feel free to come on in and join the party.  Everyone is always welcome.  The best way that we have found to deal with all you grumpy people is to surround ourselves with fun people so therefore if we are home you can guarantee that there is going to be lots of people over here, way to much wine flowing and lots of great food.  We are sorry if the music gets too loud.  We have found that you love American music too and there's no better way to enjoy it but to dance and sing at the top of your lungs.

Our children like to play outside.  They are going to run, scream, squirt each other with the hose, throw balls and enjoy life to the fulliest.  This is okay, really, it's okay.  You were once a child too and if it bothers you that much then close your doors and windows and go inside because children need to play outside and enjoy the world like you once did when you were a child.


Sincerely,

Greg, Nicki, Brittany & Garrett

Germans Always Tell You What They Feel

I'm still surprised when a German tells me exactly what they are thinking.  Let me give you a few examples.

1.  Last week I'm at the grocery store and this guy stops me and says something in German.  I tell him, in German, that I speak only a little bit of German.  No problem, he speaks English.  So he asks me if I think it would be okay if he puts this chocolate on his ex-girlfriends windshield for her little boy.  They broke up but he still loves her.  Not really sure how to answer this one.  I don't want to encourage a stalker.  He then proceeds to tell me that he hasn't had sexual relations with her since December but he really wants to get back together.  Now what am I supposed to do.  This is not something I need to know.  Of course to him its just part of the conversation and a vital fact I should know so that I can truly understand the situation.

2.  We are at the Heidelberg Castle having a tour and I ask the tour guide why the sundial clock doesn't have a 4 or a 5 on it.

Now in America the tour guide would say, "I don't know, but that's an interesting question.  I'll have to find out."  Here the tour guide says, "I don't know."  I say, "Oh, you'll have to find that out for the next group."  She says, "I don't zink so.  Zis is not zomething I care about."  Okay then, still don't know why there is no four or five on the clock.

3.  My favorite is how they want to make fun of my name.  I've gotten some really good ones.  I say, "My name is Nicki."  and I get, "Zis is not a name."  "Yes, it is, that's my name."  "No, we don't have a name like zis for a girl, only a boy."  The next person says to me, "Why did your parents give you a nickname as a name?"  By the third time I already knew what to say.  "Yeah, yeah, Nicki isn't a name you hear in Germany."  This guy says to me, "No, we hear Nicki, like the mouse right?"  "No, NICKI not MICKEY."  "Oh, yeah, that's not a name."  Are you kidding me people?  Like Edeltraud, Fieke, and  Waltruad are girls names that you hear every day.